Anyone who follows me on Facebook or Twitter knows I have a special, unnatural fascination with those bold enough to go for a mullet. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s not something I’m ashamed of either.
It is what it is. I heart mullets.
Would I ever get one?
Hells no.
But, because I’m gifted with the ability to see things from different perspectives, I can understand why some people just can’t seem to let go of the awesome. We’ve all heard the expression “Business in the front, party in the back,” but this river runs much deeper than that.
You’ll see.
Five Reasons a Mullet is a Good Idea
1. You’re ready for anything all the time. It’s the MacGuyver of hairdo’s. Hell, even MacGuyver had a mullet. If that’s not a top-of-the-line kickass endorsement, I don’t know what is.
2. It’s a work of art. No two mullets are the same. You can go for the skullet, poodle-top mullet, feathered and free, crew cutlet and many, many more. Yes, please!
3. You’re a shoe-in at any trailer park beauty contest. If other mulletutants share your ‘do (how embarrassing), all you really need to do is mention Nascar during the Q & A portion and you better bet your sweet cut-offs you’re walking away with that mesh trucker’s hat from the local strip club.
4. You’re sure to get your 15 minutes of fame. There’s no way you’re walking into a Walmart or onto a beach without someone snapping a picture and posting your sexiness on the Internet. If you reallllly want to make the most of it, get your drunk on and let someone kick you in the groin on camera. You’re almost definitely on your way to an appearance on Web Soup. Fingers crossed.
5. It draws attention from your chest and directs it right back up to your gorgeous quaff. If you’re a man, there’s much less of a chance that people will focus on your hairy man-teets when you got all that goin’ on. For chicks, you never have to worry about being objectified. Trust.
Now that I’ve outlined the obvious benefits, I’m sure you’ll all be rushing out and getting one of these rockin’ badboys for yourself. Do me a favor and just send me a picture, so I don’t have to waste any precious giggle time looking it up…and I will.
Photo: flickr.com/photos/reinvigorate/16455044/sizes
