I often talk about how doing things for yourself is good for both you and your family, but I haven’t delved too deeply into exactly why I believe it. It may sound like my promotion of picking up a new perfume or taking a cake decorating class is just an attempt to rationalize selfishness, but it really isn’t.
Yes, you’ll immediately benefit, in some way, from doing something for yourself, but your kids are, too. Here’s my simple breakdown.
Investing in yourself, no matter how big or small, is making an investment in how your daughters will see themselves and how your sons will view the women in their lives.
Moms of Boys-
Your sons are receiving strong, yet subtle, messages about women from your household every single day.
If your partner treats you:
- With respect, dignity and as a partner, and shares in the everyday responsibilities of childcare, housekeeping and financial matters, they’ll do the same for their wives and daughters
- As a trophy or accessory (which may sound good on paper, but by itself usually has a strong element of control to it), that’s how they’ll treat the women in their lives
- As an employee, who is to quietly serve the household, they’ll expect the same behavior from their chosen ladies
If you treat yourself as:
- An equal in the running of your house and care of your family, your sons will take that example into their adult lives
- A hermit; sheltering yourself, your dreams, aspirations and needs from the view of those who love you, they won’t know that women have, or are entitled to, their own needs and desire for fulfillment of these ambitions
What your sons witness in your house is the trend they’re likely to continue when they have a home of their own. If they see your partner valuing you, they will pay it forward. If they see you valuing yourself, they’ll expect and encourage it in their wives.
Moms of Girls-
How you view yourself, allow yourself to be treated by others, and respond to your own needs and desires will have a direct affect on how they conduct themselves and expect to be treated by others, especially their partners and children.
If you show them that moms should be selfless martyrs with no dreams, goals, desires, need for simple indulgences or basic needs, that’s the example they’re carrying into their own marriages and future families. If you show them you deserve to have things of your own, make an effort to make your dreams come true and appreciate and make use of the opportunity to indulge your needs and desires, they won’t accept anything less for themselves as they’re growing up and straight through adulthood.
Take a look at your life.
- Is it the life you’d want for your daughter or mother of your grandchildren?
- Do you feel fulfilled on a regular basis?
- Do you make a conscious effort to remember you?
How did you answer these questions?
If you busted out a “Hell Yeah!”- Mama’s proud of you! Keep it up!
If your answers were “Uh, I guess…” accompanied with a shoulder shrug- You’re in good company. Don’t waste time trying to defend any unhappiness. Think about what your ideal life would look like.
- Write down 3 things you’d like to change.
- List how you can accomplish each of these things (They don’t have to be big. Even fitting in 20 minutes to read a magazine and sip your coffee by yourself each day can be hard. Trust me, I know.)
- Take action. Start whittling away at the list one step at a time until the effort becomes habit.
If your answer was “No” or “Jessi, you’ve got to be batshit-crazy, who has the time?”- First…If you know me personally, or you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know, I AM batshit crazy, with no apologies. Second…You need to follow the same steps as the “Uh, I guessers” with this piece of additional advice:
STOP FEELING GUILTY FOR WANTING MORE!!!!
You are a person. You have needs. You deserve to take action in gaining some control of your destiny, even if it’s five minutes a day…to start. If you need to eek out little bits of sanity to let your heart, soul and mind breathe, then you HAVE to do it. Your family will understand. And if they don’t, then some more serious changes need to be made around your house, for their own good.
For those of you in these “impossible” situations, tell mama all about it. Maybe I can help you brainstorm some ideas for relief. If you’re shy and don’t want to post your barriers in the comments below, email me at mamasgotflair (at) gmail (dot) com. I want to help you. You have support here. If I can’t answer your questions, I’ll help you find someone who can. The only thing I ask in return is that you start being better to yourself.
You and your family deserve it!
