Tag Archive for birth mother

And Then She Changed My Life

May 2, 2011 Jessi Adoption, Motherhood, Outreach, Yay Womanhood

I don’t talk about my adoption experience a lot on my blog, because, while my son knows he’s adopted, he doesn’t know all the important details yet, and he should know everything before anyone else does. Still, with Mother’s Day quickly approaching, I’d like to take this opportunity to honor his birth mother. She changed my life in the most incredible way imaginable.

For those of you who’ve read my blog for a while, you know I lost my premature son, Aiden, in 2004. It was the most devastating, soul-crushing event of my life. I’d had serious, life-threatening complications with my pregnancy and then to lose my miracle was nearly more than my heart could bear.

Six months later, I miscarried. With the loss of that little one, so went my hope for having a healthy baby. My husband and I grieved deeply, but tried to stay strong and keep moving forward, most likely, childless.

Then a miracle happened. I was given the opportunity to adopt a sweet little boy, by a lovely young lady named Callie.* Callie was alone in her pregnancy, struggling financially and had no support system to turn to.  While she desperately wanted to raise her son, she wanted more for him than she was in a position to provide at the time.

Callie had heard our story and knew how much we wanted to have a family. I still remember, as vividly as if it had happened yesterday, the first conversation we had about my son’s adoption. She changed my life that day, and again the day she handed him to me and I became his mother.

I can honestly say, Callie saved my life. After the losses of my babies, I kept moving on autopilot, but I was just going through the motions. My heart went into a hibernation that I wasn’t sure would ever end. Her selfless act, for the love of her child, changed my whole world. Suddenly, the sky was blue again and I knew that God was with me.

I firmly believe that if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have ever been a mother. Bringing Kyan into my life changed me physically somehow. A week after his first birthday, I found out I was pregnant again, and from that pregnancy, my son Jaxon was born, healthy and strong. And after Jax, Devin came and completed our family. Without Callie and Kyan, I don’t think I would have ever been able to have children, because I was so bereaved that my body just wasn’t working right.

I’ll never stop missing Aiden, but I can’t help but feel that he had something to do with Callie and me meeting. She’s truly an angel on Earth sent to me by my guardian angel in heaven.

*Name has been changed for privacy.

This post was brought to you by Heart of Haiti, a wonderful organization which helpsheart of haiti Haitian artisans sell their beautiful works of art to provide food and shelter to there families after the devastating earthquake of 2010. They have many beautiful pieces from jewelry to stunning trays and art. For more information on their organization, CLICK HERE.

In honor of Mother’s Day, Heart of Haiti is offering a special discount code to my readers for 15% off of Heart of Haiti and Rowanda Path to Peace products. If you’d like to support the talented artisans of Haiti and buy some gorgeous handcrafted gifts for Mother’s Day, please visit their page and enter the discount code “CLEVERGIRLS” during checkout. This special offer is good from 5/3 to 5/8.

I was selected for this very special “CleverHaiti” opportunity by Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity. All opinions are my own.

2 comments , , ,

A Birth Mother’s Story: Finding Hope

April 18, 2011 Jessi Adoption, Family, Mamas' Stories

Adoption raises complex emotions for everyone involved. When people think about the adoption process, their minds often center on the adopted child and his or her new parents.

The birth mother is also an extremely important part of the adoption equation and shouldn’t be overlooked. Her emotions run deep and they’re just as varied as those of the newly united family.  Last week, a birth mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, shared the bittersweet side of her adoption experience. This week, she’s sharing the hopeful side of her story.

~Jessi

birth mother adoption

I’ve spent the last five years since the adoption looking for hope in every aspect of my life, and I see it all the time. Adoption isn’t without its trials, but there is also much triumph as well. I’d like to take time to reflect on all the magnificent moments that have come from my son’s adoption.

Even though adoption isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for everyone involved, many wonderful things can be born out of a difficult situation. A child, whose parents may not be able to provide for him at the time, has a world of possibilities opened to them. A couple, who may not be able to conceive, is blessed with a baby they may not have had any other way and birth parents get to know that their child is loved and cared for.

“For every cloud, there is a silver lining.” I truly believe that. My son’s adoption was no walk in the park, but I have learned to focus on all the positive changes that have come about because of his adoption. In my heart, I believe that my son wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my life depressed.

I can honestly tell you that many wonderful opportunities have come about for both my son’s parents and me because of the adoption. Not only did I get to introduce two amazing people into my life, but I am fortunate enough to have an open adoption and receive regular updates.

I know that my son is happy, healthy and, above all, deeply loved! His parents, who were on the verge of giving up hope of ever having children, had hope again and were blessed with two more beautiful children for my son to grow up with.

I’ve also been fortunate to grow as a person myself. I’ve become a better parent, and now a wife and a mother for a third and fourth time. I’ve also been blessed with meeting other adoptive and birth mothers, building strong connections and friendships along the way.

Since the adoption, I’ve spent much time piecing my life together and working towards my future. I’ve found that I strive harder to work on my interests in order to turn them into a viable career and have ambitions of going to college to help better myself for my family. I also have had five years to get things in order, so that I can be in better financial standings for the children I have now.

Adoption isn’t easy, but it can be a beautiful thing. It is all in how you treat the situation. My son, above all, has had many positives added to his life, and his happiness is of the utmost importance to us all. In fact, my son does know he’s adopted and deeply loved. He was told the truth, “he is an answer to a prayer.”

I hope someday to be able to work with other birth parents and share my experiences with them, so that all aspects of adoption can be made known, from the highs to the lows, and everything in between. I believe a little knowledge goes a long way.

Going through this experience firsthand has helped me grow as a person and find an amazing strength in myself I never knew existed.

Yes, I have hope! Hope for my children, hope for my family and hope for all of our futures.

Photo: flickr.com/photos/goodncrazy/4339488601/

11 comments , , , , , , ,

Bittersweet: A Birth Mother’s Story

April 11, 2011 Jessi Adoption, Motherhood

The following is a very personal post by a guest who wishes to remain anonymous. As an adoptive mother, I feel it’s important that others hear this mother’s truth. It’s easy to forget that the adoptive parents and baby aren’t the only ones whose lives are changed.

~Jessi

I am a true believer in adoption. As my friend once said, “Adoption is neither black nor white, but there are many shades of gray.” I never regret for a moment, trying to give my child everything I didn’t have to offer at the time, by placing him with an amazing family. That doesn’t mean I never have “what if” moments. What if I had been in better financial standings? What if I had family support? What if I kept him?

I would be lying if I said I had no regrets. I have many, but there is no manual that simply walks every birth parent easily through the adoption process. I know in my heart of hearts that as a mother I did the best I could to give my son everything I wanted him to have, and that meant loving him enough to let him go.

Adoption isn’t perfect, or without hurt. Adoption is bittersweet.

My adoption experience started when I found out, at the age of twenty five, I was pregnant with my second child. I already had one child I was caring for as a single mom, and my boyfriend at the time had a little boy from a previous relationship as well. He was far from ready to care for the responsibilities of another child, so I found myself alone and financially struggling to support myself and my son who was already with me.

I made the hard decision to put my second child up for adoption. Not only was I living paycheck to paycheck, but my oldest child’s father was in the picture and I had a fear that someday my second son would ask why he didn’t have a father as well.

It was through my job that I coincidentally met an amazing woman who had tried for many years with her husband to conceive, only to have it end it heartache time and time again.

We spent many a day just talking after our shift, before my pregnancy. I learned a lot about her life, values and what kind of person she was. Needless to say, we became extremely close, so when I decided I wanted to enter into adoption, I knew exactly who I wanted to raise my son. There was no question in my mind.

Nervously, I came to her with the proposal of adopting my beloved child and raising him as her own. I remember very clearly telling her, “If I go through with this you’re the only one I can do it with,” and so, with a happy, heavy heart we proceeded forward together.

From one month to the next, my beautiful child began to grow, and his wonderful mother was there for every doctor’s appointment I had. I remember asking them about what they would name him and seeing pictures of his room, even tagging along when she bought his baby book at Hallmark. How happy they were, and how happy I was for them.

Before I knew it, he was being born.

No longer was he mine, inside me, and growing. I held him when he was born, and even was blessed to feed him once. I held him tight, bottle in hand, and begged his forgiveness for all my shortcomings. I told him I loved him, I always will. Then after he drank his bottle I had the nurse take him to his mother and father who waited in a room across the hall.

The years that followed were difficult. In fact, every year his birthday comes around and I grieve for that little guy. I know I will never have all those little moments: his first steps, his first tooth, or his first words.

I grieve that loss every year.

In all the time I spent in counseling, trying to prepare for the adoption, no one ever helped prepare me for after the adoption. That saddens me. I truly wish there was more out there on the aftermath of adoption, and coping. To this I say “We are real, our feelings are real and we don’t just disappear after the paperwork is finished.”

I would love to, as a birth mother, see more awareness on the subject. As a birth mother, I want to know I am not alone.

I believe in adoption despite my heartache.

Adoption has taught me that being a mother isn’t simple. It taught me to be strong for myself and all my children. It taught me that true love means not doing what is best for you, but doing what is best for those you love.

Photo:flickr.com/photos/ddfic/5490507151

17 comments , , , , , , ,