Seven Weeks to an Unforgotten Valentine’s Day

Christmas is over.

You’ve nursed your New Year’s hangover…or in my case…did your New Year’s laundry.

Once you’re finished breathing that sigh of relief that the big holidays are through, it’s time to turn your sights to Valentine’s Day. Not so much getting your shopping done, because every woman is quite aware of February 14th, but for the old man.

All across the nation, men pretend to be shocked by Valentine’s Day.

Every. Single. Year.

Please.

This isn’t rocket science, fellas. It falls on February 14th.

Every. Single. Year.

Who do they think they’re fooling? Unless they’re completely without any exposure to media of any kind, they know there’s a chick holiday coming. And they know what we want. No matter what our individual concepts of romance are, from jewelry and roses to serving heart-shaped pancakes in bed after getting the kids up and off to school, they know what we want. They just don’t want to admit it, because then we’ll expect it every year…and dare I say it…on our anniversaries.

Well, this year…shoot that craptastic man-move down by making it completely clear that you know that he knows that you know that he knows…Valentine’s Day is on its way. The key here is launching the assault campaign early.

WEEK ONE

Hop online and sign him up for every jewelry store and florist’s newsletter and mailing list you can find.

WEEK TWO

Grab every magazine in the house and cut out pictures of your dream Valentine’s Day gift and letters to send a special, anonymous note. Plaster your pictures on it all over the place…the crazier the better. Then in “ransom note style” plaster the message:

Mail it from the post office.

WEEK THREE

“Accidentally” text, skype AND tweet him…”Yeah, I know. It’s only 4 weeks away. I’ve got a really special plan for (enter your man’s name here).” A couple minutes later, text, skype and tweet him…”Oops…forget you saw that.”

WEEK FOUR

Place Valentine’s wrapping paper on his side of the bed for him to find when he goes to lie down.

WEEK FIVE

Slip flyers he’s misplaced in the trash can into every piece of reading material he keeps around the house…including no less then three in whatever “pacifier” he keeps next to the porcelain throne.

WEEK SIX

As you’re making your grocery list, casually ask him if you need to shop for a special dinner for Valentine’s Day or if he’s already made reservations.

WEEK SEVEN

This is it ladies. Do or die. The big show.

Shave your legs…ALL THE WAY UP. Men know this is an indicator that something awesome awaits if he remembers why you voluntarily shaved mid-winter.

So there it is, devious divas. A fail-proof plan for scoring big on Valentine’s Day. There’s no way he can pretend he didn’t know it was coming. If your joker doesn’t come through as the king of hearts, you need to forget the holiday altogether or get a new deck!

Photo: flickr.com/photos/julietbanana/3739603460

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Comments

  1. AWESOME! I’m going to have to try this one…lol Mine requires CONSTANT reminders…

  2. That was hysterical, best Valentine read yet!

  3. You are a trip! I can’t even think beyond sitting right here right now gorging myself into a sugary coma from leftover Christmas goodies. Valentines Day is actually kinda close eh?!

    • What kind of Christmas goodies?

      Oh..errr…um…Yeah…Valentine’s Day. It’ll be here sooner then the fartknockers think. Gotta get on those guys! ~Jessi

  4. Too funny!!! My husband never forgets, we just don’t do anything;).

    I love the “Shave your legs…ALL THE WAY UP.” How did you find out my secret;)?

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