While the site has been live for five years, it’s been a shell for quite some time. I want to come clean about all that business, so I can resume my sassiness.
1. I lost my voice. No, not literally. (There’s no stopping this loud mouth.) What really happened was I became greedy about making a business out of my blog. I lost sight of the passion for creativity and yearning for a therapeutic outlet which inspired this bad mamajama in the first place. Instead of building the amusing, happy place I intended to create, I ditched the saucy, everyday Jessi quality of my writing hoping to please the masses. HUGE mistake. Not only did that feel completely inauthentic, but it was just plain boring – for EVERYONE. Please accept a bazillion of my deepest apologies for that.
2. My feelings were hurt. My initial posts were mostly silly stories of daily life and humorous tongue-in-cheek advice pieces that just popped into my head. I wrote them for fun, and readers genuinely enjoyed them. Then, someone blasted a nasty email my way. I tried to shake it off T. Swizzy-style, but, deep down in my sparkly little soul, it did damage. It shook my confidence and made me feel like a real turd. Nobody likes to feel like a turd, amirite? The guilty party has since come clean and apologized. What’s done is done. It’s taken a long time to get over it, but I finally, truly am.
3. Depression. Not your average, “things stink, and I’m sad” depression (using the word extremely loosely). The real live, “I can’t get out of bed and be a functional person, wish I didn’t ever exist” depression. I cut myself off from the world, nearly completely. I ignored calls, didn’t bother popping online, and simply ceased communication with anyone who didn’t share my genetics or refrigerator. I sought medical attention, and my family helped me through. I wouldn’t wish such despair on anyone. It took over a year to bounce back completely, which is where I am today. Happy. Motivated. Inspired.
4. I had nothing to say. For a long time, I felt there simply wasn’t anything valuable inside me to write about. I feared making people uncomfortable or offending anyone. There wasn’t any humor to tap into. Sitting at my keyboard just left me feeling frustrated, shallow and a giant fraud. Thankfully, that claustrophobia-inducing jail cell has vanished. There are suddenly loads of ideas flooding my brain, and I’m not afraid to share them. Frankly, there are people who won’t applaud and shoot confetti canons every time I click publish. Oh. Well. I’m cool with that. Do I want to be a hellraising shock jock? Not at all. That’s never been my style. Do I want to write to my readers as if talking to my friends, like in MGF’s infancy? You can bet your sweet patoot I do.
So, that’s what’s going down in funky town.
I’m sweeping the dust out of this rickety shack and turning it back into
a my blog again. There’s no telling what you’ll find here, but it will be 100% me again. We’ll laugh, cry, grumble and learn like the old days. All good things.
Are you excited?
Let’s be excited together!