Archive for Self

Give Mama Some Sugar: Write a Valentine to Yourself

February 2, 2012 Jessi Self, Yay Womanhood

Valentines.

Women love Valentines because they’re sweet sentiments from those who love them most. Whether they’re from significant others, children, relatives or secret admirers, they’re soul-spilling treasures of validation that we’re loved. That we matter. That someone thinks of us and smiles.

Those sweet somethings are important to all of us, because we put our hearts and souls into everything we do for and with those who matter the most to us. It’s always nice to hear that we’re appreciated.

Sexy.

Make a difference.

All of the above.

But, all too often we forget about that special someone who’s words, thoughts and feelings about us impact every moment of our lives. Ourselves. Instead of admiring ourselves, appreciating our own contributions and accomplishments and looking in the mirror and saying, “Wow–look at that….,” we criticize, nitpick, stress and struggle to improve, improve, improve.

It’s not our fault. We’re wired that way. We always expect more from ourselves, even if the rest of the world sees us in a completely different, positive light.

We, as women, are our own worst critics.

So, for this Valentine’s Day, I’m challenging myself, and you, to pour some sugar on that gal in the mirror. Applaud her strengths. Look at her beauty. Be proud of her accomplishments. Love who she is.

And then tell her about it.

In writing.

That’s right. I want you to write yourself a Valentine. Say everything you never say to yourself. Make it pretty. Use positivity. Enjoy who you are, inside and out.

When Valentine’s Day is over, tuck it somewhere where you’ll come across it from time to time. In your Bible. Your lingerie drawer. Inside your medicine cabinet.

When you happen upon it. Read it aloud. Soak it in. And fall in love with yourself again–for the beautiful, extraordinary person that you truly are.

I’ll be writing my own Valentine to me shortly. Will you?

Photo: flickr.com/photos/napfisk/5415929714

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Living With My Eating Disorder

January 25, 2012 Jessi Health, Outreach, Self

It’s hard for people to understand what it’s like to have an eating disorder unless they’ve actually been there. Today, Bethany continues her story by sharing what her daily life is like and views of food as a lifelong sufferer of body image issues and eating disorders. If you didn’t read yesterday’s post, The Origin of My Eating Disorder, it is an intimate look at how Bethany’s story, and struggle, began.

~Jessi~

I don’t have the luxury of a treat being just a treat, or taking a little taste. If I have a fry–I blew it. If I eat something more than what I a lot myself–I blew it. And, even if it’s healthy, if I have more than one–I blew it. I’m a failure, I’m worthless, and I will never be acceptable. For me, that chunky little girl who was constantly tormented by family and schoolmates for her appearance is still crying out to be someone loved and pretty.

When my mind turns to these guilty feelings and thoughts then–as my therapist likes to call it–my “f*ck it” mentality takes over. I reason, “Well, I had one fry and blew my diet, so why not have the whole bag?” I will continue to binge all day long feeling nothing but failure, guilt and regret. This will continue on and on until I get into the mindset that I’m going to eat healthy and I will get skinny. Then, I’ll go days eating only healthy foods–and very little at that.

My eating disorder is constantly at war with me and my life. Even though I get on a mental level that this is wrong and I don’t want my daughters to learn that this is okay, or even healthy, emotionally I can’t seem to let go. It’s difficult for me on many levels. I can’t even go one day without my body image or what I feel I’m doing right or wrong constantly crossing my mind.

What does give me hope that I will someday overcome my body image issues and eating disorders is that I was finally able to find an excellent psychiatrist and therapist that I’m really comfortable with. I want to learn to cope with the deeper issues that started my eating disorder, such as being neglected and abused, being left without food and never understanding what proper body cues are–like when you’re actually full versus the need to binge because you never know when your next meal is coming, getting over worrying that there will never be enough food for everyone in the house, because there certainly is, or finally not having to feel like starving myself to be accepted.

I would like to one day look in the mirror and actually love who is looking back at me, to be a confident person and healthy individual, and to also teach my daughters how to be confident and healthy. The last thing I want is for my girls to struggle with this. Therefore, I plan on continuing my journey to finding that girl inside me and helping her to cope with all she has been through, because I know for me this is something far more emotional than just an eating disorder.

Eating disorders are serious and can have deadly consequences. If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, there is help available. Please talk to your doctor, confide in someone you trust who will help you find assistance or contact the National Eating Disorders Association at 1(800)931-2237.

(Photo: flickr.com/photos/stofiska/3021577770)

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The Origin of My Eating Disorder

January 24, 2012 Jessi Depression, Guest Posts, Health, Outreach, Self

According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD), eating disorders effect up to 24,000,000 men, women and children of all ages.

Today, we’d like to welcome Bethany, an MGF reader who bravely came forward to share the origin of her lifelong struggle with eating disorders. Because her story is extremely personal and honest, we’ve changed her name for her privacy.

~Jessi~

No one is certain what causes an individual to suffer from an eating disorder such as anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating, etc. There are many types of eating disorders that people struggle with every day. Some theorize that there are many who have a predisposition to developing eating disorders due to genetics, and many others who believe that eating disorders are born from traumatic life experiences.

I’m not certain whether it’s one or the other, because I’m no expert, but what I can tell you is what it’s like for me as someone who has struggled constantly with my weight due to my eating disorders. I’ve struggled with this for over 18 years, and for me it’s still a fight to keep it under control.

My struggle began far before my eating disorder took over. I was born into an extremely abusive home, where my siblings and I were left alone for days and sometimes even weeks at a time with no food. We were forced to live off of sugar water and garbage to survive–basically whatever we could find. When my grandmother would bring food for us, or our parents actually were there and bought groceries to cook, we would eat to the point of excess because we never knew when our next meal was going to come.

When school was in session, we were guaranteed at least one meal because we were on a free lunch program, but for me, school was a mixed blessing. Even though I was able to eat at least once a day, I was constantly teased because I was chunky from living off of sugar water and whatever else I could get my hands on between actual meals. Being teased didn’t stop with just my peers at school, but continued on with my parents when they would actually grace us with their presence between alcohol and drug binges. Needless to say, that my self-esteem was nonexistent, and by the time I reached the seventh grade, I couldn’t cope with the struggles I was faced with and something inside me just broke.

It was that year that I decided I couldn’t stand being teased by family and peers any longer, so I took on what I thought was nothing more than a strict diet. I wanted to lose any excess pounds and fast. I rarely ate, and I exercised three hours a day. I was so pleased with how quickly I lost the extra weight that I became hooked. At five foot two, I was able to get down to one hundred pounds or, many times throughout my life, less than that.

The problem I faced, besides becoming addicted to anorexia and never thinking I was thin enough–no matter how thin I became, was that eventually I would give into my urges to binge eat, causing my weight to constantly fluctuate throughout my lifetime.

In my late teens to mid-twenties I was even able to get so small that my waist was always around twenty-five inches with bones showing. My friends became concerned about me because they thought I looked sickly, I was always cold, and my uterus started to hemorrhage. Yet, despite all my issues, I felt fat even at my smallest.

It wasn’t until the birth of my second child that I really started to put on weight. I went through a period of extreme depression and went up to 145 pounds and then, for longer periods of time, almost 200 because I began binge eating to cope with what I was dealing with on the inside. On the inside, I felt lost, like a part of me was dead. I realize now that my issues with food stem from my hurt over such a broken and painful childhood.

My eating disorder has become more than just my past. It has been part of my life for many years, and learning to deal with it in order to live a better life on a daily basis is constant struggle.

Please join us tomorrow when Bethany tells us what it’s like to live with an eating disorder on a day to day basis.

Eating disorders are serious and can have deadly consequences. If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, there is help available. Please talk to your doctor, confide in someone you trust who will help you find assistance or contact the National Eating Disorders Association at 1(800)931-2237.

Photo: flickr.com/photos/caseywest/366618202

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Mary Poppins Teaches Us About Perspective – Kinda

January 7, 2012 Jessi Self, Yay Womanhood

Perspective has a lot to do with how you feel about something or someone.

Judging a book by its cover can lead to missing or purchasing a book that’s just right for you or doesn’t suit your tastes at all; just like deciding how you feel about someone based on another person’s opinion might cost you the friendship or love of a lifetime.

Sure, the opinions of those we love can be eye-opening, if they’re based on life experiences or reasonable factors, but sometimes those judgments can be wrong for you, even if they’re well-intended.

As an example of how others’ perspectives can affect your judgment, take a minute to look at the following video clip. Now, we all know Disney’s Mary Poppins, right? Julie Andrews portrays a magical nanny that changes the lives of a British family and shows them the treasures and happiness that surround them, regardless of how gloomy things may look.

It’s a feel good movie that helps you see that every cloud has a silver lining…or is it?

(Thanks to my little sis for bringing this video to my attention.)

While this video was made in jest, it shows how one person’s perspective can change how we see something. Had you seen this trailer before watching the film, you might have thought that the movie was actually some creepy thriller and completely different from the happy, silly flick that it was.

Maybe you’d have been more inclined to see it and totally disappointed when you found it to be misrepresented. Maybe you’d have missed it and never known the wacky, catchiness of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” That’s a life not lived, friends.

The bottom line is that you can’t afford to live your life based solely on other people’s perspectives. You never know what you could be missing. Always give yourself the opportunity to make up your own mind. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Photo: flickr.com/photos/hikingartist/3554539705

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5 Little Changes to Freshen Up for a New Year

January 1, 2012 Jessi Motivation, Self, Tips and Tricks, Yay Womanhood

New years mean new beginnings, so doesn’t it make sense to freshen things up?

You don’t have to throw out every piece of clothing in your wardrobe and start over or tear apart your bathroom and redecorate on a whim…unless you have the means and understanding spouse to do so.

Freshening things up to gear up for a great year can start small. It’s those little things that bring a smile to your face that add up throughout the day, right?

Give some of these little tricks a try to brighten your day and kick off a brand new year.

Freshen up your computer: Change up your Google themes and choose a new picture for your background. I put up my newest favorite picture of my kids as my background–and for my two iGoogle accounts, I chose Jensen Ackles and Alexander Skarsgard themes. If seeing those hotties every time you check your email doesn’t make you smile, seriously, what will?

Change your home fragrance: Choose a few candle or hot oil scents that really make you feel cheerful. You know? The kind that stop you in your tracks and make you draw in a deep, refreshing breath followed by a slow, relaxing exhale. Yeah. Those.

Stash some special coffee: You may not feel like drinking mocha peppermint java every single morning, but it’s amazing what a sweet effect changing it up and treating yourself can have. If you’re not going to use it on regular basis, keep it in your freezer so it stays fresh and scrumptious longer.

Sass up your hair: Choose a new haircut that makes you feel a little sassy or adventurous. Take your time and look around online for something you really want to try and print it out for your hairdresser. If you wind up not being in love with it long term, no harm done…hair is awesome about growing back! If you’re in love with your current cut, give a new color a shot!

Switch up your tunes: Whether you like Pandora, iTunes or Spotify, they offer nearly a bajillion different songs and genres to choose from. OKAY, maybe not a bajillion…but you get the idea. Try something totally out of the ordinary for your style. Reggae? Salsa? Techno? Go ahead–get crazy with it. You might find something that inspires you in a totally new way!

Making little changes to keep things fresh and exciting can be powerful motivators in other areas of your life. They boost your mood and stimulate your senses. Starting a new year with some little changes will make you feel amazing and open the doors to a bigger, better and brighter 2012!

Photo: flickr.com/photos/watchwithkristin/3612516357

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Planning Spontaneity…

December 18, 2011 Jessi Personal Flair, Self

I’m usually a go with the flow, stick to what works kind of girl, but lately I’ve been feeling a little restless. Not like drastic, run away and kidnap Jensen Ackles restless, but just feeling a need for some little changes.

I don’t know if it’s another year drawing to a close, my 15 year class reunion next summer or the beginnings of a midlife crisis, but something’s brewing, and I think 2012 is going to be a year of soul-searching and trying new things.

I’m not an adventurous person by nature. I don’t try things that frighten me or take me too far outside of my comfort zone, like ever. If I’m at a restaurant and there’s chicken parmigiana on the menu, you’d be placing a good bet if you wagered that’s what I’d order. If I have the opportunity to go somewhere new, even if it’s an experience that would be reallllly exciting, if I have to do it on my own, I clam up and let the chance blow away in the wind.

The weird thing is when change comes along, and I have absolutely no say in it, I adapt quickly and make the most of it. Change doesn’t scare me.

Being responsible for the change and possible risk? Totally terrifies me.

I’m not proud of my hesitation to try new things. In fact, I’m really embarrassed by it. When it’s someone else, I’m his or her biggest cheerleader. But, when it comes to baby-stepping outside of my normal routine or what I know has worked in the past, it’s cold feet city around here. Even when everyone who loves me is cheering me on.

The scared, timid side of me is starting to get a really stirring wakeup call from the part of me that’s yearning to try new things. I’m starting to feel spontaneous in spite of myself. If you knew me outside of the black and white pages of this blog, you’d you’d think I might be going a little bit crazy. After all, my usual idea of spontaneity is buying apples instead of bananas.

So, rather than sitting here and wondering “what if” all the time, I’m going to start being more adventurous and put myself out there. Things may not always turn out the way I hope, but at least I won’t be left wondering.

Photo: flickr.com/photos/a_real_horrorshow_devotchka/3495585470

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