You may have noticed that I’ve been really scarce around the interwebs over the last few weeks. It’s not that I don’t love you all, because I totally do. I’ve just been sorting through some life goop and trying to prioritize…well…everything.
There have been a few goopy things changing my routine lately, and I’m not always the quickest to adjust. (I’m stubborn…even with myself.)
First, my husband and I have both been working from home the last couple years, and as of today, that chapter is closed. The old man went back to work. I’m not going to lie, I’m struggling with it a bit. I loved having him home and working together here. But, if there’s anything we’ve learned over the past 15 years together, it’s that when opportunity knocks, we best open the freakin’ door. So, over the last couple weeks, I’ve been trying to make the most of the time he had left before going back to the wild world of salaries, bonuses and benefits.
This morning, I packed him a lunch and, with tears in my eyes, sent him off to his new nine to five. Then, I set about finding a new rhythm for my days. It’s going to be awkward at first, but I’m pretty sure the boys and I will find our grooves soon enough.
Another big change is that after 13 years of smoking, I’m kicking the habit. It’s not easy, but I’m tired of throwing my health and money away and being embarrassed that I’m a smoker. It’s really hard to even be admitting it now, but I feel coming clean will help with the closure. Cigarettes have been a crutch for almost my entire adult life, and I’m ready to be stronger and healthier for myself and my family.
Unfortunately, one of my biggest smoking triggers is being on the computer. So, in order not to totally brutalize myself and make quitting a bajillion times harder, I’ve been spending far less time getting my typey typey on. Now that I’m through the first week, the cravings and nasty mood swings are much less frequent, but I’m still not through the woods.
The final reason for my lack of computertude is an overall feeling of “WhaT tHe hEll am I DoiNg?” Do you know what I’m talking about?
I’ve been taking stock of my life, what I want, what kind of mother and wife I am and where I want to go from here. The picture isn’t exactly the way I’d imagined it would look 15 years ago when I graduated from high school, but I’m not disappointed. I do, however, think it’s time to reassess my situation, make a plan for the next 15 years and get a move on with it.
Since the theme of the summer seems to be “Change, Change, Changety Change Change,” I’m convinced it’s a good time to get my shit together and make it happen…my way. And so I shall.
I appreciate your patience while I’m figuring all this life goop out. I won’t be a pouty, surly basket case forever…I hope.