Reflection and Realization

I’ve been making some changes, like dying my hair back to brown and taking out my facial piercings. I guess that’s not truly changing, but perhaps more reverting.

You ever hear the saying the grass is greener on the other side? Well, I realized I have been so busy looking over the fence that I haven’t taken enough time to appreciate what I have.

Frankly I’m happy to see, and I mean truly see, what I do have and how amazing it is.

I almost lost it all myself, and frankly that’s what got me to thinking. I guess the truth is everyone wants for more, and for some people, wanting costs them what they have. Unfortunately, once it’s gone, it’s only then that some wake up…when it’s too late. I don’t want to be one of the ones who learns the hard way.

I’ve spent the better part of a year fascinated with the childhood I never got to have. Growing up was rough, and I had to be an adult before my time.

All I thought about for a long time was being a kid, and it caused me to be selfish and childish at one point in my marriage. I became withdrawn and wasn’t vocal about what I was feeling because I realized I couldn’t reverse the hands of time. I guess I was going through my own mini midlife crisis. I focused so much on trying to be younger any way I could, I was inconsiderate of my husband’s feelings. I didn’t realize just how it was affecting him.

To be honest, being like a child when you’re an adult isn’t as much fun as it sounds. I understand we all need dreams and to do things for ourselves, but fantasy and reality are two different things. While I’ve never really had the opportunity to be a child, I now realize being a good mother and wife has brought more meaning to my life than anything else ever could.

I also think magazines and television tend to be so hung-up on beauty and youth that it puts extreme pressure on both men and women to try to be something that is unattainable without an airbrush. Even knowing this doesn’t always relieve the pressure, so, many people still try to be someone they’re not instead of shaking it off and being inspired to love who they are.

I feel the dynamic is difficult for people who have been through trying times and lost out on opportunities in life they would have otherwise had, or even for many who simply miss a part of their life they experienced but let go of. I now realize, though, that life is always constantly moving forward, and I also understand that I don’t want to spend that life putting pressure on myself to do the impossible when I could have attainable goals that create a happy healthy life internally.

I’m a lucky girl that my husband is such a caring and understanding man. He has always stood beside his family, and so he forgave me for neglecting his thoughts and feelings.

No one person is perfect, and every marriage has its highs and lows. If you love yourself and accept who you are, it has positive effects on your relationships with your family. It takes a lot of work to be married, but when I look at what I have, it’s worth every stumbling block along with every happy moment.

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  1. The premise is that the ability to reflect and grow is an important part of our humanity, and our ability to look back honestly and learn from our experience is a component of maturity.
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  2. avatar Shannon says:

    “I’ve spent the better part of a year fascinated with the childhood I never got to have. Growing up was rough, and I had to be an adult before my time.”

    I can relate to this. In fact, I got the rebellious teenager in me in my early twenties. Thank God I was able to outgrow it.
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