In case you’re wondering: What I’ll do when I win the Mega Millions tonight…

I’m sure by now you’ve spent at least a few minutes thinking about what you’d do if you struck the Mega Millions jackpot tonight. I’ve given it a little thought myself. Living debt free with the means to do and have anything I want sounds pretty darn sweet if you ask me.

I’m pretty sure it’ll look a little something like this…

After I eliminate the bills and help my family with whatever they want and need, I estimate I’ll still have a good gazillion bucks left. Then what to do? What to do?

First, some upgrades need to be made around the old Cooper mansion. And by that I mean getting the freakin’ farthest away from it as possible. We’ve outgrown it and I don’t even want to mention the stress of sharing one bathroom with four dudes. So, a new gimungous house is definitely first on the “To Buy” list.

Then of course, I’d have to replace my minivan with something a little more appropriate for a classy mom-on-the-go such as myself. Like…say…a custom-painted, hot pink Escalade with optional fish tank and fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror. You know, sophisticated and practical.

Once my digs and ride are up to snuff, I’ll turn my attention to my wardrobe. Everything I own will be burned donated and promptly replaced with a swanky new selection of mixed modern and classic styles to match my soon-to-be acquired pink streaked fro.

After covering all the basics, I’m sure I’ll be exhausted from all the hard work of being filthy, stinking rich, so I’ll need a vacation. My first stop will be in LA, where I’ll be replenished at some obscenely expensive private retreat spa. During my week of treatments, I’ll pay Alexander Skarsgard and Jensen Ackles to just stand in front of me flexing and looking completely interested in whatever babble is dribbling from my piehole.

Then it’s off to anywhere else I feel like going in my personal jet. I have to buy a jet, ya see, because it would just be gross to travel with not-so-wealthy normal types. I’ll just be better than that. I’m sure you understand.

By the time I get home, my family should be moved into the new house, and since it’s too chilly to swim in our new pool, I’ll fill it with money and swim in it like Scrooge McDuck. Complete with weird, retro, striped bathing suit…but in pink.

Okay, so maybe I gave it more than a little thought…


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