You is kind. You is smart. You is important. ~Aibileen Clark, The Help
There are a lot of wonderful things about the book and movie, The Help, but this quote touches me every time I hear it. While Aibileen was the little girl’s nanny, she was giving a gift to her that every mom should give to her children–the daily affirmation that they are important and loved unconditionally.
As a mom, I spend a lot of time correcting my children’s behaviors.
“That’s not safe.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Focus on your homework.”
“Don’t forget this.”
“That’s the wrong foot.”
“Say please.”
“Ketchup is not a food group.”
Day in and day out, I guide my children away from things that will harm them, end badly or should be handled differently. I do it for their own good, because I love them and want them to grow up to be honest, responsible, kind and able to make good decisions without me. This is an important part of my job.
But it’s not the only important part of my job. I’m also in charge of building the foundations of their healthy self-esteems. What I say and do makes an impact on the bricks and mortar that will give them the confidence to take on the world for the rest of their lives. It’s a heavy load, but one I carry happily, because I’m making a contribution to their futures as well as the futures of every life they touch.
Still, it’s not easy to remember all this all the time. I have to work on it. Every. Single. Day.
When one tries to flush his shirt while another is streaking through the house swinging my favorite necklace, I get exasperated, just like the next mom. At times like these, when they seem to be challenging every atom of my soul, I have to put them in a timeout and take a step back for a minute.
These moments that beg correction also require a cool head. What I say and how I handle them will impact my children for way longer than it takes for stupid, hurtful words to slip past my lips. There’s nothing wrong with stopping the action and then grabbing a zen moment for myself so I can come back and handle redirection, discussion and discipline from a loving, calm place.
These simple simmer down moments afford me time to:
- Cool my jets and get my head on straight;
- Consider why the heck they did what they did in the first place;
- Plan how I will discuss why what their doing was wrong and a better option next time;
- Decide whether discipline is really warranted;
- When necessary, think of appropriate disciplinary action, so the punishment fits the crime;
- Choose my words wisely and begin the conversation with foundation building–not damaging–words.
I’m by no means a perfect mom, especially when it comes to handling the stressful challenges my boys serve up throughout the day. Every day. But, I work very hard to keep my important role in their lives clear in my mind.
The power of my words and actions has a lasting effect, and I make every effort to make sure that how I handle things corrects the behavior, but nurtures the message that they are kind. They are smart. And, they are important.
Photo: flickr.com/photos/tambako/5370035353
