Planning Spontaneity…

I’m usually a go with the flow, stick to what works kind of girl, but lately I’ve been feeling a little restless. Not like drastic, run away and kidnap Jensen Ackles restless, but just feeling a need for some little changes.

I don’t know if it’s another year drawing to a close, my 15 year class reunion next summer or the beginnings of a midlife crisis, but something’s brewing, and I think 2012 is going to be a year of soul-searching and trying new things.

I’m not an adventurous person by nature. I don’t try things that frighten me or take me too far outside of my comfort zone, like ever. If I’m at a restaurant and there’s chicken parmigiana on the menu, you’d be placing a good bet if you wagered that’s what I’d order. If I have the opportunity to go somewhere new, even if it’s an experience that would be reallllly exciting, if I have to do it on my own, I clam up and let the chance blow away in the wind.

The weird thing is when change comes along, and I have absolutely no say in it, I adapt quickly and make the most of it. Change doesn’t scare me.

Being responsible for the change and possible risk? Totally terrifies me.

I’m not proud of my hesitation to try new things. In fact, I’m really embarrassed by it. When it’s someone else, I’m his or her biggest cheerleader. But, when it comes to baby-stepping outside of my normal routine or what I know has worked in the past, it’s cold feet city around here. Even when everyone who loves me is cheering me on.

The scared, timid side of me is starting to get a really stirring wakeup call from the part of me that’s yearning to try new things. I’m starting to feel spontaneous in spite of myself. If you knew me outside of the black and white pages of this blog, you’d you’d think I might be going a little bit crazy. After all, my usual idea of spontaneity is buying apples instead of bananas.

So, rather than sitting here and wondering “what if” all the time, I’m going to start being more adventurous and put myself out there. Things may not always turn out the way I hope, but at least I won’t be left wondering.


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