Back in April, I wrote a post called A Stay-at-Home Mom’s Rant. It was a popular post amongst other SAHMs, because it addressed the unfortunate mindset that some folks have about women who choose being a homemaker as a career. I’ve personally had multiple conversations with men and women who believe that those of us who become stay-at-home moms are mindless Stepford wife throwbacks that belong back in a 50s kitchen, no doubt barefoot and perpetually pregnant.
The point of my post was that SAHMs are every bit the modern women as those who work outside the home. We just chose a different career path which makes us happy. What gives anyone the right to question the importance of one person’s job over another’s? Are women who choose to be doctors superior to those who work in school cafeterias serving meals to our children? Are women who become lawyers more modern than those who bust their backs on construction crews?
The bottom line was simple; the women who stuck their necks out and paved the way for women to be recognized as equals were doing so because they wanted us to all have the rights to choose what we did with our lives.
I chose to stay home with my kids. Period.
What brings me back to this particular post was a comment I received months later from a “working mom” named Jess. Jess’s comment reeked of frustration…and well…seemed to miss the point of my post. I’m not thinking she really read the whole thing.
I was lying awake the other night and this comment popped into my head. I’ve been thinking about it ever since, and I’d like to take the opportunity to address it piece by piece.
So…here goes…and for the record, I cleaned up some of her language, because this is a family show.
Alright I have to say it…and you should know too. I’m a working mom, and we have no choice but for me to work, and work a lot.
I’m familiar with this concept. I did it, too, because we didn’t have any choice either. I’m totally picking up what you’re laying down.
I know what it takes to be a SAHM, I’ve done it and I AM doing it all AFTER work. So I’m sorry, you ARE living the DREAM and it is a cake walk. The hardest thing about being a SAHM is how boring it is.
Okay…slow down, sister. First, I want to point out that there is a difference between doing housework, homework and other tasks and responsibilities that come with being a mom and being a SAHM. Being a stay-at-home mom means that our career choice is to stay at home rather than work outside of the home. It’s a title, not a job description.
Second, I never said I wasn’t living the dream…my dream. In fact, I said, ‘By the time my third was on his way…I was chomping at the bit to get out of middle management and live the dream. It truly was my dream, by the way, and it still is.’ So why the tone, mama?
Third, I’m going to have to disagree with you on the cakewalk thing. That’s just ludicrous. I think you’re idea of what it’s like to be a stay-at-home mom and the reality of the job are different animals.
Fourth, if there was ever a boring day in my house, nobody let me in on it. I have three sons. Three. Young. Sons. Boring is NOT a word in my vocabulary. Moving on…
Being a mom in general is a 24/7 job, whether you work or not.
I absolutely agree about the 24/7 part. As for the work, I’m assuming you’re referring to working outside the home. Implying that SAHM moms don’t work would just be silly. Please…continue…
I’m so sick of SAHMs telling me how lucky I am and how easy my life is….that makes me want to punch them in the face. Really? Come on! I do just as much house work as they do, I just have to squeeze it into the two hours before bed time on top of missing my baby all day.
Hey, hey, simmer down, slugger. We’ll pause here. I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve worked outside the home, missed my sons all day and then came home to do housework and get them ready for bed so we could do it all again the next day. I’ve never said that was easy, nor would I ever. Not only have I lived it, but that’s the life my mother, who I respect above all else, lived.
That being said, I do miss working outside the house from time to time. Why? I interacted with other adults on a regular basis and got to think, problem solve and teach others about things that didn’t have a single thing to do with my home or family. Every mom craves that on occasion. Every. Mom.
And what’s with the punching people in their faces? Not friendly.
And sleep? My bedtime? My freetime? WHAT? Are you one of those jerks who says “your free time is when you are at work” what? My “freetime” is my lunch break where I do all the errands that you have all damned day to do. When you have free-time, it’s actual free time. FREETIME DOES NOT EXIST FOR WORKING MOMS.
I have to ask…did you even read my post? I said absolutely nothing about “freetime.” Zero. No mom has free time, whether she works in or outside of her home. It would seem that you have a “Peg Bundy eating bon-bons on the couch all day” image of what our lives are like, and you couldn’t be more wrong.
I’m on the move…constantly. I have to eek out time for myself if I want it, just like every other mother.
And all day to run errands? Are you serious? My kids don’t just sit idly by all day, so I have “freetime” to do my housework, run to the grocery store, pay bills and get my work done. Yes. I said work. I work from home on top of my household and family responsibilities. In fact, I consider it one of my household and family responsibilities.
I respect your life, just as I expect you to respect mine. Making assumptions about what goes on in another woman’s house and passing judgment on her is somewhat jerky, wouldn’t you agree?
You are living the dream, so this whole SAHM is sooooo hard is just crap. I say props to the moms who put in a miserable 50-60 hr week of dreaming to be with their children and working their butts off only to come home and work their butts off even more and get all that SAHM stuff done in a fraction of the time. Let me reiterate, being a SAHM is a LUXURY. Quit your complaining and be thankful you have it.
I also commend these moms. I commend all moms. And, I absolutely consider the opportunity to stay home with my kids a privilege and luxury, because I know that there are millions of moms out there who would love to be in my shoes.
I wasn’t complaining. If you’d read my post, you’d understand that. I suggest next time you toss a rant like this out on someone’s blog, you read everything she had to say first. It helps with relevance.
Just sayin.
Photo: flickr.com/photos/chatblanc1/4769837586
SAHM’s Rant: In Reply to a Comment
Back in April, I wrote a post called A Stay-at-Home Mom’s Rant. It was a popular post amongst other SAHMs, because it addressed the unfortunate mindset that some folks have about women who choose being a homemaker as a career. I’ve personally had multiple conversations with men and women who believe that those of us who become stay-at-home moms are mindless Stepford wife throwbacks that belong back in a 50s kitchen, no doubt barefoot and perpetually pregnant.
The point of my post was that SAHMs are every bit the modern women as those who work outside the home. We just chose a different career path which makes us happy. What gives anyone the right to question the importance of one person’s job over another’s? Are women who choose to be doctors superior to those who work in school cafeterias serving meals to our children? Are women who become lawyers more modern than those who bust their backs on construction crews?
The bottom line was simple; the women who stuck their necks out and paved the way for women to be recognized as equals were doing so because they wanted us to all have the rights to choose what we did with our lives.
I chose to stay home with my kids. Period.
What brings me back to this particular post was a comment I received months later from a “working mom” named Jess. Jess’s comment reeked of frustration…and well…seemed to miss the point of my post. I’m not thinking she really read the whole thing.
I was lying awake the other night and this comment popped into my head. I’ve been thinking about it ever since, and I’d like to take the opportunity to address it piece by piece.
So…here goes…and for the record, I cleaned up some of her language, because this is a family show.
I’m familiar with this concept. I did it, too, because we didn’t have any choice either. I’m totally picking up what you’re laying down.
Okay…slow down, sister. First, I want to point out that there is a difference between doing housework, homework and other tasks and responsibilities that come with being a mom and being a SAHM. Being a stay-at-home mom means that our career choice is to stay at home rather than work outside of the home. It’s a title, not a job description.
Second, I never said I wasn’t living the dream…my dream. In fact, I said, ‘By the time my third was on his way…I was chomping at the bit to get out of middle management and live the dream. It truly was my dream, by the way, and it still is.’ So why the tone, mama?
Third, I’m going to have to disagree with you on the cakewalk thing. That’s just ludicrous. I think you’re idea of what it’s like to be a stay-at-home mom and the reality of the job are different animals.
Fourth, if there was ever a boring day in my house, nobody let me in on it. I have three sons. Three. Young. Sons. Boring is NOT a word in my vocabulary. Moving on…
I absolutely agree about the 24/7 part. As for the work, I’m assuming you’re referring to working outside the home. Implying that SAHM moms don’t work would just be silly. Please…continue…
Hey, hey, simmer down, slugger. We’ll pause here. I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve worked outside the home, missed my sons all day and then came home to do housework and get them ready for bed so we could do it all again the next day. I’ve never said that was easy, nor would I ever. Not only have I lived it, but that’s the life my mother, who I respect above all else, lived.
That being said, I do miss working outside the house from time to time. Why? I interacted with other adults on a regular basis and got to think, problem solve and teach others about things that didn’t have a single thing to do with my home or family. Every mom craves that on occasion. Every. Mom.
And what’s with the punching people in their faces? Not friendly.
I have to ask…did you even read my post? I said absolutely nothing about “freetime.” Zero. No mom has free time, whether she works in or outside of her home. It would seem that you have a “Peg Bundy eating bon-bons on the couch all day” image of what our lives are like, and you couldn’t be more wrong.
I’m on the move…constantly. I have to eek out time for myself if I want it, just like every other mother.
And all day to run errands? Are you serious? My kids don’t just sit idly by all day, so I have “freetime” to do my housework, run to the grocery store, pay bills and get my work done. Yes. I said work. I work from home on top of my household and family responsibilities. In fact, I consider it one of my household and family responsibilities.
I respect your life, just as I expect you to respect mine. Making assumptions about what goes on in another woman’s house and passing judgment on her is somewhat jerky, wouldn’t you agree?
I also commend these moms. I commend all moms. And, I absolutely consider the opportunity to stay home with my kids a privilege and luxury, because I know that there are millions of moms out there who would love to be in my shoes.
I wasn’t complaining. If you’d read my post, you’d understand that. I suggest next time you toss a rant like this out on someone’s blog, you read everything she had to say first. It helps with relevance.
Just sayin.
Photo: flickr.com/photos/chatblanc1/4769837586
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