Romance In A Committed Relationship: Bringing Back The Lover Mentality

Lover mentalitySometimes, we wonder where the romance has gone in our relationships. We reminisce fondly about the dating years, and often blame our partners, for the changes in our romantic relationships. Maybe we need to take a second and rethink what’s been happening on our end. What’s changed with us since the carefree, dating days?

Of course, for many of us two major things have happened:

  1. Bills- The stress that comes with finances bears a heavy weight on every couple whether they’re wealthy or barely scraping by. Making money and deciding how it should be spent are themes in every marriage or long-term partnership.
  2. Children- Even if you’re both gung-ho about starting a family and are equal contributors to the childcare and everything that goes with it, every person has different ideas and feelings towards handling stressful situations, which kids are super-good at manufacturing.

Now, the bad news is, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about the two biggies listed above. They’re just a part of marriage and partnership that come with stress. Unless you decide to live on a prayer like Tommy and Gina or leave your kids in a field and start over, these are going to be ongoing themes forever.

The good news? There are other things that you can do to bring back some of that pre-commitment mystery. What’s the crazy lady talking about, you ask?

I’m talking about the little things.

Think about your comfort zone. Think about how it’s shifted over the years.

When I met my beloved Brockly over 13 years ago, you couldn’t convince the dude that I had any less-than-becoming habits like belching or letting out a room-clearing trouser-ripper. These illusions have long-since been quashed by reality, and he’d laugh out loud at the mere thought of me being in any way “dainty.”

Other mysteries have gone the way of the dodo since we moved in together 12 years ago, and I think it’s time to bring back some of the mystery.

Sharing everything private about ourselves can’t necessarily be undone, but wouldn’t it blow your partner’s mind if you started treating him or her as a lover and not a lifetime companion when it came to the little things? Like, for example, insisting on a closed door, not to be opened, while you’re in the shower, or excusing yourself to another room to release a whizpopper back into the wild.

Think about it.

Think about “dating you” compared to “happily committed you.” Where are the differences? Are there things you can change back a little?

What about shaving your legs? I have three stages of shaving.

  • None- Some call it Euro, I call it not having the time, or so much caring. I’ve grown especially comfortable with the Wild Kingdom look, which probably isn’t super appealing to the hubz.
  • Capri- I don’t wear shorts, so in the summer I do the capri shave. That’s right, mid-calf…and stop. It’s basically the leg version of the skullet.
  • Gyno- Also referred to as the “Anniversary.” Quit shaking your head. I know I’m not alone. Chicks who are permanently attached are more likely to shave for their yearly visit to their crotch monitors than they are for the visual pleasure of their lovers.

There are a lot of things that we do when we’re settled into long-term, committed relationships that we wouldn’t dream of doing if we were still waiting for that band of gold.

I think it’s time for an experiment, ladies. A challenge if you will. Valentine’s Day is less than a month away now. Why don’t we give this a try? One month of treating your significant other like a lover again. Holding back on the reality and dishing out the mystery.

Will things change in your romantic life, even if it’s just a little? Will there be a similar response from him or her, like resisting the opportunity to give ya the old Dutch oven? Isn’t it worth a try?

Let’s do this. If you’re in, leave me a comment below or email me at I can’t wait to see how it goes for everyone!


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  1. Hey! I’m in for being more like lovers and less like married people :)

  2. Crotch monitors? Hahah!
    I have a bad back so I use that as my get out of shaving card ;)
    Me and hubs are having a getaway at the end of the month so RAWR ;)

  3. I do the capri shave too! HA! :) And the gyno one… duh!

    • I’m pretty sure that x-ray vision could easily identify women in committed relationships just by checking out their legs in the winter. ~Jessi

  4. avatar shutterbuk says:

    We call them Wookie legs (yes we are both Star Wars geeks) and laugh about it, but you are right – I would’ve never let them get that way all those years ago in the beginning. Thanks for the reminder that you can bring romance back into the marriage and it’s really the little things!
    Love the new blog skin by the way!

    • LOL at the wookie legs! LOVE IT! It’s weird how certain things just drift away after getting settled. I remember lying a wake beside him at night, terrified that I’d fart in my sleep. Now, he’s lucky if he can make it out alive. And then I wonder where the romance has gone. Hmmm? ~Jessi

  5. I’m living in the NONE stage of shaving. It’s such a chore but it’s funny how I will shave to go to the gyno. Spot on with that. LOL


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