“Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.” ~William Somerset Maugham, English playwright, novelist and short story author
Oh, Billy, if it were only that simple.
An unfortunate part of life, is death. Not just our own, but of those who touch our lives. It’s grim, but it’s real. And sooner or later, we all have to work through it.
This year has been trying for me.
This spring, I lost my snarly, surly chihuahua, Yoda. He’d been a naughty, yet faithful, protective friend and companion for nearly 14 years. While the loss of a pet can never be equated with the loss of person, it’s still a deep, painful time. Yoda was a part of my family, and I still expect to see him every day. I miss the way he cuddled in under the covers and how his cranky, not-so-fully-toothed growl could strike fear into the heart of any six-foot-tall, burly manly-man. He was a real gem.
In the last six weeks, I’ve lost three friends. Unexpected circumstances. Alzheimer’s. Cancer. So unfair. So tragic. The sympathy cards and services are behind me, but the sorrow is still here. And there will be empty pieces in my heart forever.
Still, I learned over six years ago, when my son, Aiden, passed away, that letting grief grip me and bring my life to a halt, either physically or emotionally, won’t bring them back, make things “better” or honor their memory in any way. In fact, it would diminish the powerful impact they had on my life, and smudge the beautiful memory of who they were and the positive, wonderful marks they made on the world.
I can’t give you a step-by-step guide on how to overcome your grief, because it’s a very personal, intimate thing. What I can say is, there is another day. There are reasons all around you to keep moving forward. Your life is meant to be led, and those you’ve loved and lost wouldn’t want to be the reason or excuse that you gave up on the things, people and causes that are important to you.
Moving in a forward direction isn’t insulting their memory or demonstrating a lack of emotion. It’s a celebration of the gifts they gave you. I know for a fact, Aiden, Chad, Sharon, Judy and even my crank-meister, little Yoda, wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my life curled up in a ball, feeling nothing but pain and neglecting the family and friends who are still with me, need me and love me. They wouldn’t want me to put an end to my dreams, goals and aspirations. They’d want me to keep living, loving and making a difference.
Will I ever be over the losses of these fabulous characters? No.
Will I have days where tears are shed and I try to make sense of the senseless. Absolutely.
Will I tarnish their beloved memories by giving up. Never.
If you’re struggling with loss, I wholeheartedly sympathize. I have a strong idea of your pain and inner conflict.
There is another day.
As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us. ~Sascha, as posted on motivateus.com
